It’s Wedding Planning Wednesday and it’s time to discuss…Bridesmaids! The Bride and her Bridesmaids…They celebrate over mimosas, brunch and have a ball as they toast to their new roles. It’s short-lived. By the time the wedding is here, some relationships are severed, sometimes never reconciled. Oh, how funny we are. How does this happen?
The words “bridesmaid” and “drama” seem to go hand in hand. I used to think otherwise, until I started noticing that this was the rule rather than the exception. Hollywood has even poked fun at it. I think we can all relate to both Lillian and Annie in this Bridesmaids scene:
Wise Brides and past Bridesmaids, what has your hindsight wisdom taught you? I am not going to lie. The fantasy of having my dearest entourage all adorned in something dainty and gleaming alongside with me on my special day is something I dream about. It’s quickly taken over by my experience. I don’t think any bride or bridesmaid ever says, “Hey, let’s plan this wedding and risk our friendship to some unexpected drama ahead!” No thanks. Am I silly for avoiding having a wedding party for the sake of preventing an unforeseen fallout? I am still thinking this through.
While my experience as a bridesmaid has always been a fun one, that’s not the case for many. In most cases, I can empathize with both the bride and the bridesmaids. Once, a friend of mine had enough of her micro-managing bride and understandably threatened, “If the white tips of my french tip manicure are too thick for your taste. I am NOT going to get them redone. If you don’t like them, I do not have to be your bridesmaid.” The bride “allowed” her to keep the nails and be in the wedding. They laugh about it today.
Unfortunately, the ending isn’t always as happy. When my dear friend was a bride, one of her bridesmaids grew recluse, avoidant, and weeks before the wedding, the focus became more about the bridesmaid. In some twisted way, this wedding became about her and her failed love life and her parent’s divorce. While her feelings were valid to her, it was all unfortunate. After the wedding the two (bride and bridesmaid) had a blow out. Over ten years later, they’re still not friends.
I’ve witnessed the unthinkable. Friendships ending because one was not asked to be a bridesmaid, bridesmaids going into debt due to “unexpected” expenses, furious brides who are upset at their bridesmaids who aren’t stepping up to the plate, bridesmaids feeling unappreciated. Ultimately, I think that what can help is understanding the expectations of both sides. Though, given the nature of weddings, we often don’t even know what we are expecting until it an expectation has not been met.
Have you experienced Bridesmaid drama? How did you handle it? What’s your takeaway? Future Brides to be what are your thoughts/ apprehensions on your wedding party? I’d love to hear from you.