Work Hard, Play Hard

Decadent food (lots of it), spirits, massages, golf, just the right amount of sun, lots of rest and relaxation… we were able to share some much needed quality time. Yes, this is what Tony (and the other top producers of his company) were awarded and because he’s my fiance, I was able to share in this experience with him. Insert hashtag blessed, hashtag lucky… right here — #blessed #lucky, ah and heck #winning!

The Fairmont Del Mar

Thank you, Mr. Sun. You were there when we needed!

Ah, Jasmine

Poolside Margaritas, more please!

We shared a very well organized trip hosted by his company, and yes while the above listed is something to talk about, the way in which his company continuously invests in personal leadership development, sharing in the experience among other Power Producers, hearing the keynote speaker, are both impressive and assuring. I left this trip impressed, motivated, and ready! I rarely have proud moments, but this past weekend, I had one of those unique experiences. Yes, proud. I am a half glass full kind of a gal and spend most of the time focused, working on, obsessed on filling the emptiness. Okay, sometimes I harp a lot.

Congratulations!

Being together for as long as we have, it’s easy to get hung up on all the bang ups that comes with his line of  work…the unknown, ever-changing guidelines, regulations, and unique circumstances of each client, the incessant texting, emails, stress, pandemonium (yes, even an anxiety attack which led to an ER trip)…it’s a part of mortgage lending and sales territory. To see Tony go up on stage, it was not about this trip and this moment per se. To me, it was about all hang ups, the times he felt paralyzed to have a pipeline of business that he couldn’t close due to the lack of infrastructure, the doubt and the adversity. When foreclosures were #trending, I used to have to tell him, “Just trust in this journey, or move on.” Saying this was easy. It was having conviction in this that was hard. It’s been a ride, and this moment wouldn’t have been made possible without the unwavering support of our dear family and friends who always kept us (him) going. What made this past weekend so sweet was that it was about the journey that led to this very moment. I know that this is just the start of many.

Keynote Speaker Carey Lohrenz…what a message!

Meeting, listening and sharing in the experience of the keynote speaker, Carey Lohrenz left an indelible impression. Towering the stage at over 6 feet tall, well spoken, funny, relate-able and oh…and just the first female F-14 Tomcat pilot, she’s knocked down walls and spoke about fearless leadership and of the many takeaways, she shared about the importance of not waiting for perfection and how just doing is part of the process. (yeah, you had to be there to feel the umph!!!).

Another treat…something that I would have never checked out on my own, dinner was hosted Marine Corps Air Station Miramar. We got to meet with pilots and hear about their experiences in their service.  Those jets and copters are no joke! One can lift two hummers, oh and to see the guns and where the ammunition was loaded…it was quite a treat!

Thank you, Prime Lending… what a great example of an organization that believes in investing in personal development! Oh, and Thank you, Tony. Well done indeed!

Summing up Dim Sum (and then some)

The weekend is soon here and it’s time to think about brunch, Dim Sum brunch that is. Dim Sum translates to touching the heart and is also referred to as “yum cha” which means to drink tea. So, saying “Let’s go dim sum” is the same as saying, “Let’s go yum cha (drink tea).” It’s also known as brunch time where people gather for Chinese like tapas, nibble and talk story. What I really appreciate about dim sum is that babies, elderly and everyone in between… all love dim sum. It pleases the masses which attests to how it’s great for virtually all taste buds!

Dim Sum love starts at a young age, just ask Ayla! She loves pork buns!!!

Here’s what you can expect…

Enter a large room, and in traditional setting, you can find servers (typically women) pushing carts of delicious tapa-like dumplings, buns, or dishes that have been freshly steamed or deep fried.  Recently, more restaurants have done without the dim sum carts and provide a menu where you can check off what you want. I prefer the latter because it’s more fresh and less of a commotion.

There is so much to choose from and because it can be somewhat overwhelming, I have listed my top 10 dishes (I’d venture to say that these are commonly favored by most).

Jumbo Pork Siu Mai (my all time favorite)

Juicy Pork Dumplings

Shrimp (or beef) rice noodle roll

Sticky Rice with abalone and chicken in lotus wrap

Baked BBQ Pork Buns

Minced Pork Dumplings

Egg Custard Tart

Pan Fried Turnip Cake

Spicy Salt & Pepper Calamari

Pork Spareribs with black bean sauce

Photos courtesy of Lunasia Dim Sum House

Last week, we celebrated Tony’s birthday at a Dim Sum brunch with our family at one of my favorite places, Lunasia Dim Sum House. In answering questions, I thought I’d share with you some dim sum etiquette tips and pointers so that you know what to expect when you dim sum.

• There will be a tea pot and tea cups. You never serve yourself first. You serve those to the left first and then to the right. If there is an elder, you deviate from this rule and serve the eldest first. You don’t need to serve everyone, just those within arms reach.
• Somebody else will likely also serve you tea. When they serve you tea, as a way of thanking them, you use your index and middle fingers (using one hand only) and gently apply about 3 taps to the table (by your tea cup) as it nears the end of your pour. This dates back to how emperors would thank others when they were served tea.
• This is a family style meal, so be mindful. There is plenty to go around and you can easily order more. Don’t stock pile and don’t hoard your favorite dumpling or dish. Ensure that everyone has a share.
• Remember, you don’t have to wait for dessert, so when those egg tarts or jello comes around, go for it. Dessert is not last and it’s whenever you want it to be.
• Again, this is family style…BE MINDFUL. Don’t double dip or reach across to grab the piece that is speaking to you. Grab the piece that is closest to you and do it with a community pair of chopsticks (if available), or do it in one gesture. Refrain from picking at the dish.
• If there is a lazy Susan, look before you spin as to ensure that nobody is in the middle of serving themselves.
• Mustard and chili are supplied at the table, add to taste. I prefer asking for fresh cut chili and soy sauce (this is a common request), just ask.
• It is customary to leave standard tip amount as dim sum is considered full service.

Enjoy!!

Dine out? There are notes on you! 10 Common Sense Dining Tips You Need to know.

Have you ever wondered how or why your server may appear to know a little more about you and your quirks? Why some guests may receive preferential treatment and you don’t? It’s not a mistake. There are notes on you! That’s right, there are notes on you. Your server knows more about you than you think. You know…the important things: good/ bad tipper, high maintenance, annoying, never happy, difficult, oh…yes, and then there’s the really important stuff …your food allergies, how many different mistresses you have and who is actually your real spouse. When my server told me this, my eyes popped out and I blurted, “Genius! This is just GENIUS!!!”

He shared some of the notes of actors in Los Angeles and of the difficult guests next to us. Then he showed me the notes on me. Phew. I am good. Of course, I am good! I was once a server!!! I promised him that I would not reveal the name of this establishment, but it’s for a popular restaurant group here in LA (they also have locations nationwide). Did I mention? These notes follow you.

Having been in the restaurant industry (I waited tables in college), we’ve had many discussions with servers and for the most part, they want their guests to enjoy their time. I’d like to share my top 10 Common Sense Dining Tips with you so that you can maximize your dining experience:

1. Double check your check. I was always surprised at how often guests would hand over their credit card without looking at their check.  Don’t do that. Your server can be balancing a dozen tables at once and can accidentally hand you the wrong check, unintentionally charging you the wrong amount. And yes, while this example is an accident, a fellow server I once worked with would consistently “accidentally” add a few dollars to the tip amount. Be sure to double check what your credit card charge is once it’s posted to your account.
2.  It’s HOW you ask. Do you think your server wants to run to the person who is snapping their fingers at them? No. I used to love it when my guests would start a request with, “When you have a minute, do you think you can…?” It’s easier to be nice. Be nice.
3. It’s your server’s job to be nice to you. The nicer they are, the higher the likelihood that they may earn more money. They are trained to smile. They’re not hitting on you. Don’t flirt with your server. This objectifies them and makes for an awkward experience.
4. Upselling, it’s a part of the game. If you know what you want, you won’t fall into this trap. Know what you want.
5. There’s a schedule to things. You want to know when those eggs in the Cobb salad you’re craving were boiled? Just ask. Sure your server may lie and say daily, but an honest server may tell you that it was boiled last Monday, de-shelled, thrown in a large tub of water with about a hundred other eggs…yes, all on Monday!
6. A person’s favorite sound is their name. Your server usually introduces him/ herself by their name or they have their name tag on. It’s pretty nice to be called by your name and you’d be surprised how this goes a long way.
7. Karma. Servers believe in karma and don’t forget. A fellow server never forgot how he was belittled, so when the rude guest returned with his colleagues, he made sure that his credit card “didn’t go through,” and asked, “Do you have another form of payment.” Oy Vey!

8. There’s a Sequence of Service. It’s annoying. Servers don’t like repeating it, customers hate hearing it…it’s part of the experience. Find a way to deal with it.
9. The Secret Shopper. Most restaurants have a secret shopper program. Which explains why your server may be rigid. That…or they have no personality.
10. It’s not your server’s fault. Or is it? Most mistakes are administrative (entered incorrectly) or the cook, or food runner made a mistake. It’s not a perfect system and many hands are part of this process.

 

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue…

 

Image source: http://www.plumetismagazine.net

Past brides, what was your something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue? Brides to be, have you started brainstorming and collecting for your own wedding? This is an English rhyme dated to 1898 and the idea is that a bride would wear this for good luck. Though this is an Old English tradition, it’s something that Americans have adopted and have managed to incorporate into their weddings. As I have learned more about this, I love the novelty of it!

Here’s what each item symbolizes:

Something Old- Continuity with the bride’s family and the past

Something New- Optimism and hope for the bride’s new life ahead

Something Borrowed- The idea of something borrowed (typically from a dear friend or family) is a reminder that the bride can depend on her family and friends in her new chapter.

Something Blue –Blue has been connected to weddings for centuries and it symbolizes love, purity, and fidelity

The sixpence in her shoe…well, for obvious reasons, Americans have dropped this piece.

Now that we know the meaning behind the poem, it’s time to start collecting and brainstorming! I’ve been thinking about this for some time now and wanted to share with you some creative, heartfelt ideas that will make your wedding that much more personable, memorable and well…you know…something to talk about for the rest of your life!

1. I love how “something old” allows us to connect the past to our present. Here are some of my favorite ideas of something old:
   • Wrapping a vintage piece around your bouquet (this can be a lace doilie or a handkerchief)
   • Incorporating an old family recipe card as your wedding favor
   • Wearing your mom’s jewelry
   • Having your groom wear his father’s cuff links or watch
2. Understandably, bride’s dress is the “something new” and this tradition is the easiest part to incorporate. But for those brides who may be borrowing their gowns or wearing their mom’s, here are some ideas:
   • A new piece of jewelry
   • A new veil
   • A fashion accessory like a broach
3. Typically, the “something borrowed” is a veil or a piece of jewelry, or unless you’re the Duchess Kate Middleton, you can borrow the Queen’s tiara (I just checked…and gentle reminder, you’re not her)…but here are some ideas of what you can borrow…and remember, those close to you want to lend you something for your special day:
   • I absolutely love the idea of borrowing something from another culture and tastefully making it a part of your wedding…I so love this idea! Who says that Chinese food is only for Chinese people? But this goes the same for the concept of your gown and many other components. It’s your wedding, borrow away.
   • Borrowing somebody’s car as you leave your reception
4. The most expected “something blue” is the garter, but there are many other creative ways to tie this in:
   • Blue heels -I especially love this satin number from Manolo Blahnik
   • Lingerie–I especially love pieces by Jonquil –keeps things fun and exciting!!!
   • There are many gorgeous blue gemstones (think aquamarine earrings or a topaz bracelet)

Most of all, don’t (or DO) overthink it and have fun! I’d love to hear about what your selected items were and why and for us future brides, lets start collecting!

Happy Wedding Planning Wednesday!

 

The perfect Girlfriend Getaway

A few weekends ago, five of us girls got away. Not from any one person or anything, but just some quality time being girls. We laughed, explored, danced, ate, drank and had fun, and all on our own terms. It was a last minute idea and living in Los Angeles, if it’s one thing I can appreciate, it’s that it is SO easy to plan a getaway. As a matter of fact, we had such a great time that we started a list of new local getaways (Palm Springs, San Diego, Carmel, Malibu). We went to Santa Barbara and though it was just for the weekend, I’m still pumped! It’s amazing what getting away from the normal day to day can do for your mind, body and spirit.

There are few things to consider in planning the perfect girlfriend getaway. The conflicted Type A and free-spirit in me operates on this mantra, “Over plan and then just go with the flow.” A true opportunist, I don’t want to miss out on the best eats, events and offerings a different destination has to offer, BUT I also don’t want to be closed to my ideas and miss out on the spontaneity that a town has to offer…you know, meeting locals and just going with the flow rather than ensuring each item off the agenda was checked off…a fine line between compulsiveness and free spirited. One thing I like to do in advance is book reservations for a few of my favorite spots. Doing this ensures that there is a plan at a preferred place, but if you stumble across something else or if you’re not in the mood, you can always cancel your rezos.

Planning a Girlfriend Getaway is simple and I’d like to share two simple tips to consider.  Just ask yourself, will everyone jive and have fun?

Jive. Will everyone jive? Yes, you have lots of friends, but they’re all different. While differences make for fun, they can also start drama. Will your Foodie friend who wants to try the French Laundry jive well with your friend whose idea of the perfect meal is a granola bar and a smoothie? Momo may not care for Paint the Town Sally, right? One friend may only do 5 star luxury hotels while another appreciates something a bit more quaint and personable offered at boutique hotel.

Think about those you want to invite and ask yourself, Will we all jive well? Having a group of like-minded people is a great idea and a sure fire way to ensure that you’re managing fun versus personalities!

Idea of FUN– “What do you consider fun?!?! Fun, natural fun!” Fun is natural and it’s also different for everyone. We all have different ideas of it.

Understanding expectations is SO important! I once went on a getaway with friends who just slept in. Not my idea of f-u-n…but that’s because they were new moms and were chasing sleep. Yeah…well, while I get it…that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do with my time or money. While they were tucked away at 10PM, I kept myself entertained playing Words on my iPhone.

This is your getaway just as much as it is everyone else’s. It’s important to ensure that you all share the same idea of fun! What kind of a trip is this going to be? A shopping spree? Trying new hike trails? A foodie’s excursion? Arts and Museums? Wine Tasting? Bar Hopping? Exploring with the locals? Spa and golf?

Once we have an idea of the kind of trip this is going to be, this easily allows us to budget. Everyone has a different relationship with money and things they value, so setting the expectation allows for everyone to budget accordingly. Let go and have fun!!! This is the MOST important attitude to have. Attitude is everything, so make sure it’s properly adjusted and fine-tuned by all.

What are some of your favorite Girlfriend Weekend Getaway tips? What’s worked for you? I hope my tips helped you. Here are some tidbits of our trip. Even though it rained, that didn’t stop us…our mission was to have fun and we sure did!

The rain was coming in, but that didn’t stop us from having fun…what a gorgeous scene.

Great Beats and rambling about everything make for pleasant drive & bonding time.

Look at this little gem I spotted. Super cute! 

The start of wine tasting and trying a new spot

Appreciating simple details…the re-purposed pallets caught my eye…something I may just have to DIY.

More wine, pizza and salad por favor! Another spontaneous spot!

What a cute little store in an RV! I love locally sourced suppliers and we got a hat and a few other finds here.  Check them out http://www.stabilessantabarbara.com 

So many tasting rooms, so little time…

Our stay…we opted for a bed & breakfast, The Hotel Upham

Yes, these are real!

Just Lounging about…

Cheers!

Mas Mimosas y Oysters Please!!! All day happy hour at Lure’s!

Thank you, Santa Barbara. Enjoying the gorgeous drive…oh and rushing to do some more shopping!

 

 

 

 

 

Berry Easy Tres Leches Cake Recipe

After taking a two weeks off…Yes, adults need a Spring Break too! It’s already time for Make something Monday! Whoohoo!

It was Tony’s Birthday weekend and because he loves Tres Leches Cake, I thought I’d share with you this Berry (easy peasy) Tres Leches Cake Recipe.  I also made this for his birthday Dim Sum Brunch. Tres Leches Cake…It’s not as hard as you may think and it’s YUM!

What are you making this Monday? Whatever it is, may you make it a great Monday and week for that matter.

Here’s my Tres Leches Cake Recipe! Enjoy!!!

Buen Provecho!

Berry Easy Tres Leches Cake

Cake
Ingredients:

• 1 stick of butter (at room temperature)
• 7 ounces of flour (sifted)
• 1 t of baking soda (sift this with the flour)
• 6 ¾ ounces of sugar
• 5 eggs
• ¼ t vanilla extract

For the cake, Preheat oven @ 350-375 (depending on oven)

1. Beat butter until fluffy
2. Add sugar little by little @ medium speed (1/4 C at a time)
3. Add eggs 1 @ at a time @ medium speed
4. Add ¼ t vanilla extract @ medium speed
5. Scrap the bottom and mix again
6. Add flour & baking soda @ low speed
7. Flour your cake tray
8. Bake for 20 minutes on the middle rack
9. Should be golden brown
10. Set aside for 15 minutes/ allow to cool

Leches
Ingredients:

• 1 Can of Condensed Milk (Eagle brand)
• 1 Can of Evaporated Milk
• 1 Can full of half and half OR milk (use the Condensed Milk can to fill it up)

In a large mixing bowl, stir the above miles and set aside.

Whipped Cream

• 16 ounces of heavy whipping cream

Use the Wire Whip @ medium speed until it becomes like whipped cream

Piecing it all together

1. Polk holes with fork all over the cake

   

   Using a fork or a skewer, poke holes 

2. Pour the mixed milks on top

   

   Pour the milk mixture/ glaze

3. Spread the whipped cream on top

   

   Spread the whipped cream (end here if yo don’t want to make a double layer)

4. Cover with foil & Refrigerate for 4 hours before serving

If you want to make it a double layered/ cake, just double the above. I went ahead and double the recipe to make a two layered cake and to break up the sweetness, I added berries in between the layers. Simply get your favorite seasonal berries, and chop them up. I used strawberries, blackberries and raspberries because a they’re what’s in season. All you need to do is to repeat the instructions for the second layer on top and decorate the topping to your liking…so simple!

I decided to add a berry relish in between my double layered cake

I topped it off with berries and gorgeous roses! Isn’t that just GORG? Happy Birthday!!!!

 

Happy Birthday and Happiest Always Antonio Lopez

Today is a very special day, it’s my darlin’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Tony! I am going to take a few minutes to share with you a little bit about this guy. He’s a whole lot of awesome and manages to make my world more fun. You may already know, Tony’s my fiancé. He loves numbers and is good with them. He’s a kind, dark, handsome, pragmatic, guarded when you first meet him, simple (and sometimes complicated), fashionable, a responsible hedonist who will always choose the scenic route…and this big teddy bear of a gym rat appeared in my life about seven years ago.

Though not a Jr., he’s the son to Antonio Lopez and an inspiring, strong willed, Rosie. The only boy, he has three dynamic sisters. They’ve always adored their only brother. How lucky right? To have such a close family! They’re from Guadalajara which explains their zest for life, partying, value of family and appreciation for damn good Mariachi! Tony became a dad at a young age, and he’s an amazing one to his daughter. Throughout our relationship, I get to see him evolve as a father and I get to learn about myself too.

All of our nieces and nephews think Tio Chachi is a crazy uncle who loves fast cars and they love it when he lifts them up and slams them into the pool. The younger ones (and some of the naive ones) think that he’s a ninja. Sometimes, I think he is a ninja too. His resilience is like no other and I have seen him tested and dig deep in his career and how he redefines his definition of success and chases it.

I admire envy his ability to fall into deep, REM sleep in a matter of seconds (usually when I bore him with my stories), yet he manages to have this ability to stay wide awake and can watch endless episodes of House of Cards, Billions, and Banshee. A true guy’s guy, he loves raging with his friends. Going to ball games, listening to thumping music (Diplo, Tiesto, Steve Aoki…) sipping a glass of Macallan…these are a few of his favorite pastimes.

Tony’s a true kid at heart and sometimes the serious jokester in him overshadows the gentle heart he has. I will never forget the times I was sick and he was there…right by my side in the hospital. –We aren’t perfect, and it’s these moments that remind me of how and why we are in each other’s lives.

Thank you, Tony! Your celebration for life, appreciation for fun, and your power of focus continues to inspire me daily. I wish for you a very Happy Birthday and a Happy Always, always!

Cheers!!!

xoxo

 

Simple Tomato, Mozzarella, and Basil Salad recipe

I love a simple salad recipe. When I stocked up on some amazing mozzarella cheese and saw some heirloom tomatoes, I knew exactly what I needed to do, make a simple salad…it’s perfect for this Spring and takes only a few minutes to make. Here are the details to this weekend’s recipe which is inspired by one of my favorite, Ina Garten!

   

Simple Tomato, Mozzarella, and Basil Salad

• 6 small tomatoes (4 medium), preferably heirloom if they’re in season
• 1 pound fresh mozzarella
• 10 to 15 basil leaves, trimmed and thinly slicked
• 3 tablespoons good olive oil
• Kosher salt
• Freshly ground black pepper

Slice the tomatoes and mozzarella and arrange casually with the basil leaves on a large platter. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and serve at room temperature.

Costco-aholicism: How I am coping with my Costco addiction

My name is Sammy and I’m a Costco-aholic. It’s time to get serious and address this addiction.

I blame this all on the fact that when I was a kid and I wanted to get my photos developed, I had to beg my older brother to take me. He had the fancy Price Club membership. We’d go, drop off the film, shop and I always looked forward to how the associates would fit all of the items neatly into corrugate boxes, almost like a Tetris champ!  We’d grab a hot dog or pizza and the door monitor would glance at our cart and mark the receipt. It was one of my most favorite trips.

As a grown adult, having this membership for most of my adult life, has gotten out of hand. It’s time to grab the bull by the horns and get it together. It’s only the two of us and while I put on my tennis shoes (can’t afford to have those carts hit my ankles) and head to Costco on a weekly basis, there are times where I have gone as often as twice a week. Embarrassing and pathetic…I know! After taking note of my weekly receipts and all that I waste, it’s time to manage this better.

I created lists of what I am allowed to exclusively purchase there and things that I have decided to purchase at a smaller, specialty store. The goal here is to be more resourceful and rather than buy 10 lbs. of organic carrots for $5 where I end up only using 3 carrots and trashing the rest or sometimes wasting my energy to make juice for my friends…I buy a small bag for 99 cents and use just about all of it.

A true addict, I cannot and will not give this thing up cold-turkey, so here are my lists intended to hold myself accountable and possibly help out other fellow Costco-aholics! Do you Costco? How do you control yourself? What do you get?

Items I exclusively get at Costco:

• Toilet paper
• Paper towels
• Scotch scrubbing pads
• Toothbrush heads
• Sensodyne toothpaste
• Feminine products
• Dog bedding/ toys
• Kitchen appliances like my Kuerig, Omega Juicer Machine, and Vitamix (no joke, I once sold 3 Vitamix blenders while at Costco demo…the sales guy lucked out!!!)
• Organic eggs
• Almond butter
• Avocado Oil
• Cuties/ Mandarin Oranges
• Coffee K cups
• Organic Frozen Fruit
• Grass fed ground beef
• Flank Steak
• Morroccan Shampoo & Conditioner
• Chicken Stock
• Canned tomatoes
• Most of my Vitamins/ Supplements
• Chewing gum

If and when I am hosting or entertaining, I am also given a pass and can stock on the following:

• Wine/ Spirits
• Steak
• Salsas/ Dip/ Guacamole/ Hummus
• Variety of cheeses
• Gigantic bags chips
• A huge tub of queso cheese IF I am doing a nacho bar
• Cold cuts/ salami for a charcuterie platter (Costco has a great variety)
• Mixed greens/ organic Spring mix

Great Finds/ Deals that IF it’s convenient, I can stock up on:

• Rotisserie Chicken
• Salmon (if I am sure I will eat it soon)
• Gas for my car
• Pre-made Poke Salad
• Pre-made Shrimp salad
• Power Green Kale mix (if I am sure to have smoothies and salads all week!)
• Cauliflower
• Brussel Sprouts

Today is Qingming Festival: Beyond Tomb Sweeping

Today is Qingming (or Ching Ming) Festival. Ching Ming literally translates to “clean and bright/ intelligent,” and in Western culture it’s known as the Chinese holiday where Asians go and clean tombs. It’s a public holiday in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan and some Southeast Asian countries. And yes, while weeding the tomb area, applying cleaning solution, removing bird poop and making it as pretty as possible is something I do, it’s more than just that. With age, this ritualized holiday (which once represented an embarrassing chore that differentiated me from others) has become one of my most valued customs and favorite holidays.

Growing up, this meant that I’d be given a free pass. I’d be taken out of school so that we can visit my dad. My mom and grandma would prep the ceremonial offerings (chicken, pork, sticky rice, tea, wine). My grandpa would gather the faux money, incense, paper replicas of cars, homes, jewelry, all things that we’d burn while at the cemetery. The paper replicas represent how we want to ensure that we still want them to be “taken care of.” Once we arrive to the cemetery, we start by cleaning the tomb…weeding it, polishing it, and adding floral arrangements.  Once we are done detailing the tomb stone, it’s time to burn the paper replicas, light incense and start with prayer and when the prayer is completed, we share a few bites and picnic there. This process is representative of how we still honor the deceased and how we think of them and continue to have well wishes for them.

My sister brought paper replicas of offerings to burn. This represents how we continue to think of those who have passed. These are shoes, clothes, jewelry, a phone and other luxuries.

My sister brought paper replicas of offerings to burn. This represents how we continue to think of those who have passed. These are of decadent food (lobster, shrimp, abalone).

Qingming is more than cleaning my dad’s tombstone, lighting incense, providing offerings.

It wasn’t until about fifteen years after my dad’s death that my mom would come with us. My grandparents took leadership and had this down. Us kids, we’d know to do our part and followed their orders. I remember being sixteen when my mom decided to come and join us. There was no announcement, nothing said. She just came and I was very…I don’t know the right words, but I was relieved to know that she can participate too! To me, this meant that my mom was in a stronger position and able to accept my dad’s passing.

This past weekend, we visited my dad and grandparents at the cemetery. Now that my grandparents are deceased, mom prepares the ceremonial offerings. My siblings and I, we all have different tasks. One gathers all the paper replicas, the other gathers all the incense, I bring the flowers, gardening tools, and cleaning solution. All of the nieces and nephews, they gather and are excited and follow orders. My fifteen year old niece, Crystal, she said that she doesn’t understand all these rituals (the paper burning, the incense, the chicken). I completely get it. She reluctantly follows the orders. She reminds me a lot of me when I was her age. It wasn’t the right place or time to get into the conversation about what this means. With age, she’ll get it.

My mom led the prayer. Tony asked me what she said. So I had to do my best to translate:

She said, “Today is Qingming. We have not and we do not forget about you. We think of you each and every day. You should be happy and would be very proud of all that you created. Look at your grandkids. They’re all here. Everyone, we are all here to honor you. We are all here to light incense in honor of you. We brought you food and hope you enjoy the tea and rice wine. Be sure to continue to watch over all of us (your kids, your grandkids). Keep them healthy, safe and secure and ensure that they continue to be good people. The same way that they do for you.”

Beyond the sweeping of the tomb, Qingming is about honoring the lives of our loved ones and remembering our ancestors. In a selfish way, it’s also a reminder of how fortunate we are that they’re watching over us and how we have the opportunity to live the life that we want to live. I cannot help but think who would be there to honor me one day? Who would be there to remember me? What would be said? What would my legacy be?